Week 34, August 20-26

Sunday, August 20th-

Typing August 20th felt really good. It's nearing the end of August which just means we're that much closer to the baby coming.

Today was a horrible and wonderful day. It was horrible because I was feeling totally overwhelmed and for the first time ever I was having some serious doubts about my faith. This has never happened to me before. In fact, I believe that I have been given the spiritual gift of believing. This pregnancy has been hard because I have felt isolated from the Spirit which has made me question my worth a little but never my faith in Christ and His role...until today. Luckily, it was just for an hour or so, during most of sacrament meeting. That sounds dumb because some people struggle for months and years, but I was panicking. I cried on and off and I didn't want to sing the hymns or listen to the talks.

Part of this came from the feelings I have had throughout the pregnancy and some were from yesterday. We were listening to a church book on Silas's phone on the way to the temple and some of the things really bothered me. It was just something ideas about how Christ sacrificed for more than just or world and that we might have needed Him here because we were so much more wicked than His other creations. Another thing from yesterday was that I had prayed for a good experience at the temple and I didn't have one. It was discouraging, especially since I'm not sure I could sit through another session while I'm pregnant.

Cleod was reading through his Duty to God book and I even had a moment where I wondered why I was teaching my children the principles of the Gospel…and that thought scared me! I decided to talk to Silas right after and I was going to go hide in his office until I could pull myself together.

Then the speaker, a high councilor, started talking about how the Stake leaders wanted us to read the document, The Living Christ. Cleod had turned to a copy of that document in the back of his Duty to God book a couple minutes before and had been reading it. We looked at each other in amazement as the speaker started reading it.

Even more interesting (or amazing) was that last night I grudgingly listened to a conference talk before bed (I wasn't in a good mood at all) which happened to talk about The Living Christ and how we should study it. I whispered that to Cleod and he again was amazed.

I didn't feel anything amazing really, but I felt at ease. I felt like myself. And I shared the experience with my son, who felt the power of what had happened even though he didn't know how powerful it really was for me, considering the way I had just been feeling.

I know that my Heavenly Father knows me. I don't know how and sometimes it hurts my head to try to think about how He can know me and billions of others, but I know that He does. I'm grateful to know that.

I know that He sent His Son to create us, love us, die for us and be resurrected for us. I don't know how it works and I don't always know how to access the power that the Atonement provides but I know it's there.

As I write this I realize that it might sound small to another, but it was a HUGE thing for me...a game changer...a life saver.

Monday, August 21st-

• 32 weeks!!
• Cleod started jazz band which is before school so he had to wake up super early.
• Grant called from school not feeling well. Mostly he was sad. The poor kid has been getting so sad about different things. Molly and I took him to Dairy Queen for a treat and we had a good talk. Molly did a good job cheering him up.
• Home evening was writing letters to the Huffs.

Tuesday, August 22nd-

Looking through the treasures

• Grant stayed home from school, although he is fine. I made home read a ton which he doesn't do often.
• Cleod brought his tenor sax home and already can play it really well. He spent an hour practicing it after school.
• Cynthia's dad brought a ton of computers from the 1980s so Silas spent the evening playing around with those. Haha
• Ryan to play practice 4-9:30

Wednesday, August 23rd-

I seriously love late-start on Wednesdays. So much. And especially this week. First of all, Cleod, who is not really a morning person, has been getting up at 6am for Jazz band this week and either Silas or I have been too so it was a relief not to have to do that today. Secondly, poor Ryan gets home so late from play practice that he hasn't gotten as much sleep as normal. Plus, last night he had a migraine when he got home. I think this is going to be worth it but it sure takes its toll.

After the kids were gone, Molly played some computer while I took my time getting ready for the day. Then Molly and I went and had lunch with Heather and Nicole. We got Pizza Cart and went to a park so Heather's daughter and Molly could play and we could visit. We had a really serious visit too, about hard stuff. It was nice to be able to talk about and listen to one another's struggles.

Brett playing with Molly and Paesyn

Once we were home the little kids came home from school and we hurried to get ready for the rest of the day. I got soccer snacks ready, packed a dinner for Ryan and tried to have Grant and Cora do their chores.

When Cleod and Ryan got home we left right away for piano lessons. After Ryan's lesson I took him to play practice and got back just in time to get Cleod from his lesson.

We had a little over an hour to eat dinner and finish chores before Cleod left for scouts and the youngest 3 and I went to Grant's soccer game. Silas was home with us for a few minutes and left for the church for his weekly meetings and interviews shortly after we left.

Grant and Taeg playing against each other

Grant's team played Taegen’s team so we got to sit by the Warby’s, which made it way more fun. Taeg scored 2 goals while Grant was the goalie. Grant even played goalie at one point for Taegen's team because a boy got hurt. But Grant's team ended up winning. :)

Thursday, August 24th-

Today I took Molly and Micah to the library park today and then inside the library to play with puzzles. They had such a good time.

Tonight was the opening night of The Little Mermaid and I went by myself to watch. Ryan was super cute and smiled so big when he saw me in the audience.

The play was pretty good although they had some technical issues that I'm sure will be resolved tomorrow.

Friday, August 25th-

This morning I trained 2 new girls at the gym. I'm so grateful that they showed interest and were able to work the 2 days I needed. I was getting a little worried that I would be working a ton in the middle of having the baby. I also have to do another girl’s maternity leave during October and November but I think I have the first 4 weeks after I’m due covered by some other girls.

Tonight Silas went to the temple for the Stake Leadership Temple Session. It will be the last Chapel Session for our Stake because they aren’t going to do chapel sessions anymore. Not sure why, but that’s ok. I like going to the Stake Leadership night but I cannot do another session and I needed to take the kids to the play on a night that wasn’t a school night. So Silas went to St. George and I took the kiddos with me to The Little Mermaid. It was SO much better tonight. The kids are all super talented and my kids really liked watching it. Grant started getting a headache at the end (he gets headaches a lot when we go to plays or movies) but it wasn’t too bad. And the kids all behaved themselves really well.

Saturday, August 26th-

• Clean church
• Kids slowly do chores and then got computer time taken away
• Kids played outside a lot of afternoon
• Ryan to the play and Silas and I went to dinner at Pizza Cart and then to the Adult Session of Stake Conference.
• Dairy Queen with Mike and Amber for dessert after session

Week 33, August 13-19

Sunday, August 13th-

Last day in Primary. I was released as the pianist and was called to help in planning the RS activities. I was a little sad about it today because I have been trying really hard to be more positive about Primary lately...but I also am really excited to be able to go to Relief society on Sundays. I hope the kids will be ok. Grant and Molly come and talk to me at the piano several times every Sunday. Sometimes it annoys me but today I realized that it is a precious thing that I had to have that time with them outside our home.

Monday, August 14th-

Today during lunch Silas gave the kids and I blessings. I am so grateful for him and for the Priesthood. The kids and I were blessed so many wonderful blessings.

The kids are so excited for school tomorrow and although I hate having them gone so much, I am excited for them and excited to spend more time with Molly.

Tuesday, August 15th-

Cora not feeling well

Grant's 1st day of 3rd grade

Middle schoolers

First day of school!!! Except it didn't go as planned for Cora. Poor thing started getting pale and sick while I was doing her hair. She ended up on the floor of our bathroom for a few minutes and then on our bed. Silas came home and took Grant to school. (Cleod and Ryan walked to school together earlier.) After about an hour she seemed to be doing ok so I took her to school.

Cora feeling better

Molly and I stayed at the park so Molly could play. She brought her backpack and took breaks to look at her books. She even brought a framed picture with her. Silly girl.

At the park after dropping Cora off

Luckily we were just leaving the school when they called to say that Cora threw up. We turned right around and picked her up. Poor thing was so sad. She threw up in the hallway on the way outside to recess. Darn it.

Cora resting

Luckily after resting for a while at home she was back to normal. I'm going to keep her home until 24 hours after she threw up a but she should be good to go.

Happy Molly

This evening my tummy has been rumbling so that hasn't been fun. Luckily we didn't have anything tonight except for Ryan's play practice and thankfully the Rushtons have been taking him and bringing him home.

Wednesday, August 16th-

Selfies by Molly

• First real day with just me and Molly.
• Groceries
• Lunch with Emma at the elementary school
• Pick up papers for Emma and Cynthia
• Ryan play practice
• Grant scouts
• Cleod scouts and mutual

Thursday, August 17th-

Reunited with his lovely bass clarinet

• Woke up with a headache
• Nap
• Warby lunch
• Nap again
• Cleod got his bass clarinet today and happily practiced for over an hour after school.
• Bed early but couldn't sleep. Waaa!

Friday, August 18th-

• Babysat at gym
• Lunch at Sarah Hopkinson's- Silas took Molly to lunch and dropped her off to me when he was done.
• Cleod to church for overnight campout @3:30
• Ryan to play practice @ 4:30
• Grant to soccer practice @4:30, lasted 2 hours because the coach was late
• Lin's for Powerade and ice cream (we were soooo hot from being at practice for so long)
• Leftover night
• Ryan home and me to Grandma's to put her to bed

Saturday, August 19th-

Ugh. Sometimes Saturdays are so hard. I think I need to do some deep cleaning in Friday or something because I always want to have a clean house for Sunday so I stress out on Saturday. And today was so busy that I wasn't home much so when I was home I was a beast of a mother.

Photo by Grant

This morning I babysat at the gym. After lunch Grant had his first soccer game, which was good but it was soooo hot outside.

Grant was the goalie for a quarter

Cute sisters

Silly Molly

More sister selfies

When we got home from the game we had 30 minutes to get ready to go to the temple so so I was trying to get the kids to do their chores and some extra stuff. Cleod had just gotten home from the campout and was a little emotional, which I didn't think about it being because he was so tired.

The temple session was hard for me because I was hot and uncomfortable. I fell asleep a couple times which wasn't good either. After the session we went to eat with the Ivies which was nice.

Week 32, August 6-12

Sunday, August 6th-

This morning we walked to church for the first time all summer. It has been a little cooler weather so we decided to walk. I was still sweating when we got to the church but it felt good to walk. Before we left the house we saw a skunk in the neighborhood. The kids were super excited to see it but we stayed far away.

Church went well and after church the boys did indexing and family history. I did a little too. I had an interview with Clint this afternoon and then stayed and chatted with Silas in his office for a little while. It was quiet and nice. He gave me a blessing as well to help me with some of the anxiety I feel over the baby coming and something bad happening. I just want him to get here so I don't have to keep wondering when it's my turn for some type of tragedy. It sounds silly but it's real for me. After the blessing I do feel like I need to just have more faith that the Lord's plan is the right thing and that no matter what happens it will be under His control.

Had another Self-Reliance class tonight and we talked a lot about insurance and things like that which was really interesting. I learned a lot of things that I hadn't known before.

Monday, August 7th-

I'm trying to be a nice mom and let the kids enjoy their last week of summer vacation but I still want them to do their chores. I also feel some pressure to get ready for the changes school brings, like having them wake up earlier or whatever.

The other hard thing today is that the boys aren't really being super nice to each other which is frustrating to me and I've not been the most patient mother.

I love summer and honestly live having my kids home with me but today I am feeling ready for the routine and organization of the school year.

Bye bye double stroller!

Oh and I'm 30 weeks along today, Which is awesome! Maybe there is an end in site after all. ;)

Cora can ride a bike!!!

Tuesday, August 8th-

School starts in one week. I'm getting ready for the change but it is still a bummer that summer vacation I coming to an end.

Molly and Micah

Today we had soccer practice for Grant, piano lessons, play practice for Ryan, Relief Society for me and Silas had meetings tonight at the church instead of tomorrow (because tomorrow is Ryan's birthday). In between I made cookies for RS, rolls for dinner and lasagna for us and for a family in the ward. It was a good day.

Wednesday, August 9th-

Happy birthday to Ryan!!! He's 11! Today was a fun-filled day for sure. First of all we went to the East Canyon Park for the last playgroup of the summer. The kids had lots of people to play with and had a great time. The Shirleys, the Josh/Tina Williams's and Deruchette and the kids came, along with some of the normal people from our ward that come. We even saw a tarantula!

After the park we went home and ate lunch with Deruchette and the kids. Ryan requested corn dogs and frozen pizza. haha.

Once the Warby's went home we made our way to the library, on Ryan's request. SADLY, this was our first and last library visit of the summer. We usually go almost weekly but it just didn't work out this summer so Ryan wanted to do it today. We would have stayed longer but Silas got an email about Ryan's present which got delivered at our house while we were at the library so we went home so it didn't sit out too long.

Silas came home early from work so that we could open Ryan's present. We spent way more than a normal birthday and got Ryan a new guitar. He was super excited and although we had to run it to the guitar shop right away, we got that figured out and it sounds beautiful!

For dinner we left Cleod with Grant and Cora and took Ryan and Molly to Applebee's and then grabbed an ice cream cake on the way home. Ryan was spoiled and definitely benefited from the fact that I am pregnant and not functioning normally. haha.

Cutting the cake

Thursday, August 10th-

Ryan at his costume check this morning

Ryan's selfies during the band orientation thing

Tonight the big boys and I went to a presentation for middle school band. During the Intermediate Band presentation, she talked about Jazz Band. I didn't even realize they had Jazz Band. It is 4 times a week, before school. Cleod wasn't excited about it at all until she said something about the piano. He said to me, “I would wake up early to play the piano in Jazz Band.” So he might try it. He doesn't have to decide right away, so we'll see.

Cora and I at Back to School Night

The elementary school kids had their back to school night tonight too, so I dropped off the big boys and took Grant and Cora to Fiddlers. We learned a little more about the Chinese program for Cora, met Mr. Perkins and even peeked it at Emma Slade’s classroom. She's teaching 2nd grade this year and she's going to be so awesome.

Molly carrying a package for me!

Friday, August 11th-

• Babysat at the gym
• Lunch date with Silas at Panda ended up at Sears where we bought a dryer. We've needed one for a long time and Sears is going out of business in town so it was a good time to get one.
• Rested
• Shirley family came over for a visit and dinner. Silas made his nachos which were delicious.
• Silas got the new dryer hooked up and it dried a load in less than 40 minutes! The old dryer took 80 minutes, sometimes more, to dry a load. This is a game changer!!! Now we just need to get the old one to the dump.

Molly loves her Daddy

Saturday, August 12th-

• Kids and I helped clean the church
• Grant, the girls and I went to Kenlee Church’s baptism.
• Silas took Ryan to play practice and picked up Desmond Jones who did baptisms with Cleod while Silas went through a session at the temple. Then they went to Costco for food and grocery shopping. Cleod said it was awesome.
• Ryan played at Stonely’s
• Littles had computer time and then played outside.
• Grandma and Grandpa Rowley came by for a few hours before going to Grandpa's 50th high school reunion dinner. It was nice to visit with them. Grandma read to the kids and Molly fell asleep leaning on her. Grandpa fell asleep too. Haha.

Grandma reading to the kids

Grandma and Sleeping Beauty

The other Sleeping Beauty