Sunday, August 20th-
Typing August 20th felt really good. It's nearing the end of August which just means we're that much closer to the baby coming.
Today was a horrible and wonderful day. It was horrible because I was feeling totally overwhelmed and for the first time ever I was having some serious doubts about my faith. This has never happened to me before. In fact, I believe that I have been given the spiritual gift of believing. This pregnancy has been hard because I have felt isolated from the Spirit which has made me question my worth a little but never my faith in Christ and His role...until today. Luckily, it was just for an hour or so, during most of sacrament meeting. That sounds dumb because some people struggle for months and years, but I was panicking. I cried on and off and I didn't want to sing the hymns or listen to the talks.
Part of this came from the feelings I have had throughout the pregnancy and some were from yesterday. We were listening to a church book on Silas's phone on the way to the temple and some of the things really bothered me. It was just something ideas about how Christ sacrificed for more than just or world and that we might have needed Him here because we were so much more wicked than His other creations. Another thing from yesterday was that I had prayed for a good experience at the temple and I didn't have one. It was discouraging, especially since I'm not sure I could sit through another session while I'm pregnant.
Cleod was reading through his Duty to God book and I even had a moment where I wondered why I was teaching my children the principles of the Gospel…and that thought scared me! I decided to talk to Silas right after and I was going to go hide in his office until I could pull myself together.
Then the speaker, a high councilor, started talking about how the Stake leaders wanted us to read the document, The Living Christ. Cleod had turned to a copy of that document in the back of his Duty to God book a couple minutes before and had been reading it. We looked at each other in amazement as the speaker started reading it.
Even more interesting (or amazing) was that last night I grudgingly listened to a conference talk before bed (I wasn't in a good mood at all) which happened to talk about The Living Christ and how we should study it. I whispered that to Cleod and he again was amazed.
I didn't feel anything amazing really, but I felt at ease. I felt like myself. And I shared the experience with my son, who felt the power of what had happened even though he didn't know how powerful it really was for me, considering the way I had just been feeling.
I know that my Heavenly Father knows me. I don't know how and sometimes it hurts my head to try to think about how He can know me and billions of others, but I know that He does. I'm grateful to know that.
I know that He sent His Son to create us, love us, die for us and be resurrected for us. I don't know how it works and I don't always know how to access the power that the Atonement provides but I know it's there.
As I write this I realize that it might sound small to another, but it was a HUGE thing for me...a game changer...a life saver.
Monday, August 21st-
- 32 weeks!!
Cleod started jazz band which is before school so he had to wake up super early.
Grant called from school not feeling well. Mostly he was sad. The poor kid has been getting so sad about different things. Molly and I took him to Dairy Queen for a treat and we had a good talk. Molly did a good job cheering him up.
Home evening was writing letters to the Huffs.
Tuesday, August 22nd-
 |
| Looking through the treasures |
Grant stayed home from school, although he is fine. I made home read a ton which he doesn't do often.
Cleod brought his tenor sax home and already can play it really well. He spent an hour practicing it after school.
Cynthia's dad brought a ton of computers from the 1980s so Silas spent the evening playing around with those. Haha
Ryan to play practice 4-9:30
Wednesday, August 23rd-
I seriously love late-start on Wednesdays. So much. And especially this week. First of all, Cleod, who is not really a morning person, has been getting up at 6am for Jazz band this week and either Silas or I have been too so it was a relief not to have to do that today. Secondly, poor Ryan gets home so late from play practice that he hasn't gotten as much sleep as normal. Plus, last night he had a migraine when he got home. I think this is going to be worth it but it sure takes its toll.
After the kids were gone, Molly played some computer while I took my time getting ready for the day. Then Molly and I went and had lunch with Heather and Nicole. We got Pizza Cart and went to a park so Heather's daughter and Molly could play and we could visit. We had a really serious visit too, about hard stuff. It was nice to be able to talk about and listen to one another's struggles.
 |
| Brett playing with Molly and Paesyn |
Once we were home the little kids came home from school and we hurried to get ready for the rest of the day. I got soccer snacks ready, packed a dinner for Ryan and tried to have Grant and Cora do their chores.
When Cleod and Ryan got home we left right away for piano lessons. After Ryan's lesson I took him to play practice and got back just in time to get Cleod from his lesson.
We had a little over an hour to eat dinner and finish chores before Cleod left for scouts and the youngest 3 and I went to Grant's soccer game. Silas was home with us for a few minutes and left for the church for his weekly meetings and interviews shortly after we left.
 |
| Grant and Taeg playing against each other |
Grant's team played Taegen’s team so we got to sit by the Warby’s, which made it way more fun. Taeg scored 2 goals while Grant was the goalie. Grant even played goalie at one point for Taegen's team because a boy got hurt. But Grant's team ended up winning. :)
Thursday, August 24th-
Today I took Molly and Micah to the library park today and then inside the library to play with puzzles. They had such a good time.
Tonight was the opening night of The Little Mermaid and I went by myself to watch. Ryan was super cute and smiled so big when he saw me in the audience.
The play was pretty good although they had some technical issues that I'm sure will be resolved tomorrow.
Friday, August 25th-
This morning I trained 2 new girls at the gym. I'm so grateful that they showed interest and were able to work the 2 days I needed. I was getting a little worried that I would be working a ton in the middle of having the baby. I also have to do another girl’s maternity leave during October and November but I think I have the first 4 weeks after I’m due covered by some other girls.
Tonight Silas went to the temple for the Stake Leadership Temple Session. It will be the last Chapel Session for our Stake because they aren’t going to do chapel sessions anymore. Not sure why, but that’s ok. I like going to the Stake Leadership night but I cannot do another session and I needed to take the kids to the play on a night that wasn’t a school night. So Silas went to St. George and I took the kiddos with me to The Little Mermaid. It was SO much better tonight. The kids are all super talented and my kids really liked watching it. Grant started getting a headache at the end (he gets headaches a lot when we go to plays or movies) but it wasn’t too bad. And the kids all behaved themselves really well.
Saturday, August 26th-
Clean church
Kids slowly do chores and then got computer time taken away
Kids played outside a lot of afternoon
Ryan to the play and Silas and I went to dinner at Pizza Cart and then to the Adult Session of Stake Conference.
Dairy Queen with Mike and Amber for dessert after session
