Dec 7-9

Wednesday, December 7th-

Tonight our family (minus Molly who was at the Slade's hanging out with Ashlynn) went to the production of The Forgotten Carols. I took Cleod and Ryan a couple years ago and couldn't resist getting tickets again, even though they were $20 each. It was totally worth it! We enjoyed it and it really got me more into the Spirit of Christmas. 

As the music started Silas whispered to me that he didn't know the story at all, just the music. I hadn't realized this and it made me feel emotional and excited for him to see the play. And he did enjoy it!

I loved the music and the story and I really enjoy attending live performances. Every time a new song started Cora would say, "I know this song!" She was in awe every, single time! It was like a fun surprise every time. Cleod told me later that he felt the Spirit and Ryan didn't want it to end. Grant had a headache during the play so he was a little whiny, but I totally heard him singing along with the Three Kings song. Success!

Thursday, December 8th-

I've been struggling lately. I realized why yesterday thanks to talking it out with my friend Amie. I realized that some days (or several days) I feel empty, like my resources have been used up. This is a time I might normally turn to Silas for support. The problem is that with the holidays and the demands that makes on Silas as the Bishop (i.e. Tithing Settlement interviews, Christmas party planning, more welfare being distributed, etc.) he is probably running empty as well. So when I have hoped for him to do extra house stuff for me, like dishes or whatever, he hasn't. But it's not because he's mean or he doesn't love me. It's because his reserves are depleted at times as well. PLUS, we have been busier with kids stuff and have several more recitals and concerts.

With the simple realization of this idea of us both being "empty" I have felt lifted. I think I thought I was going into a depression and I was blaming my family members for not being more helpful. But we are all doing the best we can do. Most of the time we are fine, but some moments we are not. And that's OK.

I found a great quote the other day while reading an article. It says: "Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend."

I need more gratitude in the small moments of my life. I need to remember to be grateful in the hard moments.

A week or so ago, I took a screenshot of John 15:2. It just hit me that day. I feel like I'm being purged "that [I] may bring forth more fruit." At times that seems humbling and other times I am super frustrated. In fact, I have even questioned where the blessings are for the service we (mostly Silas) perform for the Lord. What a rude and immature question to place before the Lord. Of course there are blessings! I just wasn't seeing it through the hurt and the pain of that moment.

This evening helped lift me a little as well. Silas and I went to Rusty's for the Bank Christmas party and had a nice (free) meal. We also had a nice visit with Andy and Clarissa who we sat across.

After dinner I dropped Silas off at home and went a little late to book club at Sharon Thornock's house. We had read The Forgotten Carols book so I didn't want to miss it. Also, Sharon always has such a lovely, decorated home. She hosts book club in December every year and always serves brownies and peppermint ice cream. Yum! We had a lovely visit/discussion.

Friday, December 9th-

This month seems to be going by really quickly. We haven't been able to sing many Christmas songs or read Christmas stories, although we do have Christmas music on almost constantly.

I'm sure others have it worse but I feel like the Bishop’s family thing has hit me hard during the holidays. He has a lot more going on with his calling and we have a lot more going on in general so it feels like we haven't sat down and just talked for weeks!

Today we tried. We went out for lunch together but Molly was being whiny and then a guy Silas knew from college came in and they chatted for too long. Plus it wasn't private enough where we went to really have a conversation.

Megan and I took dinner to the Goldthorpe family tonight though. That was a good thing.

Oh, and Brett arranged for someone to come get the Volkswagen out of our garage! I've been waiting for that for so long. I'm really pleased about that! We have such great friends! It should be gone on Monday...

Dec 4-6

Sunday, December 4th-

Sometimes I wonder how I can have a day of rest on Sundays when my husband is gone so much and I'm stuck bossying kids around. Today was another hard day and it was overwhelming to be in the position we are in.

Looking back at the day, we had a lot of blessings and I had people helping me...but it felt really hard.

Cleod played the piano in opening exercises for Priesthood and totally bombed. Playing for people to sing along is harder than just playing, and he hadn't practiced much. He took it really hard and already had a bad headache. I escaped from Primary for a minute and found Silas. He was really nice and took Cleod home. I'm glad he was available to be Dad for a minute.

Molly also had a hard time wanting to go to Nursery so she was in with me for a while. It was ok though.

Monday, December 5th-

Cora's note for me to help me feel better

Another hard day. I think it's mostly me. I didn't get a break this weekend and I'm tired. I also had too much junk...but when Cleod makes yummy brownies it is hard to have control. :)

We did manage to put our ornaments on the tree finally. We also wrapped presents for the Warbys and for the 2 families we have from our extended family exchanges. It was mostly pleasant.

Mondays are hard.

Tuesday, December 6th-

Day in pictures...

Woke up to Molly dressing babies on my bed

Molly and her poop pillow at Wal-Mart during our
weekly grocery shopping trip

Cora at her dance showcase

Dec 1-3

Thursday, December 1st-

Diaper cake & shower treats

This December our family is going to try to "Light the World." The Church has started this initiative/program and has ideas to serve for every day until Christmas Day.

Today was the Worldwide Day of Service. Megan and I had already planned a diaper shower for Tia so that worked out well. I didn't think about the day of service when I contacted my good friend Erin to see if she needed something today. I haven't been able to visit with her since Ryan died but I had a dream last night that I was doing her dishes and chatting with her. So I sent her a text this morning and told her this. I asked if she wanted me to come do her dishes. She said no but I asked if she wanted me to do anything else and she DID! She gave me some earrings that she needed to have delivered from her online store and I was happy to help. The day was busy but it was so nice to be able to help my sweet friend!

Friday, December 2nd-

This morning we found out that not only do we need new tires for the van (that's why we went in today) but we also need new shocks and struts. That's a grand total of $1600! That is NOT what I wanted to hear today and it kind of got me down. But we are going to be fine. We always are.

Tonight was the Ward Christmas Party. Silas got off work early and we did a quick trip to Wal-Mart to pick up some things. I went to the church a little early with the kids to set up and he and his counselors for back with the main food from Lin’s with very little time to spare.

Amber and the young women were in charge of decorations and it was beautiful!

Silas had been extremely worried about how the evening would go, but it seemed to go smoothly. The kids all had fun and Emma helped me a lot with Molly so I could mingle a little. The kids are at good ages for me to be able to leave them eating and chat with others. I did have a mini freak out moment where I let some of the pressure and stress get to me, but overall it was a nice evening!

Cleod helping out

Ryan and Santa

The kids we excited about Santa and none of my kids cried. Guess we are passed that. Weird. Cleod was a big boy and helped had things out to the kids after they visited with Santa. I love seeing how happy he is to help at church things lately.

Grant and Santa

Cora and Santa

Molly and Santa

Saturday, December 3rd-

Today was a long day. The kids were a little more grumpy than normal...and so were Silas and I. Mostly it was my fault. (That is often how is goes...if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. Sometimes that is a lot of pressure and I fail.)

First of all, after the ward party last night the kids and I stayed up for an hour or so watching the rest of a football game we were in the middle of and then a couple shows from BYUtv. (They got to bed around 11pm.) It was fun to be lazy and not have a bedtime, but I found out today that some of my kids need more sleep to be nice.

I stayed up even later and watched Persuasion for the first time. (So, so good.) I was faster to snap at the kids today from being tired. I also didn't get to exercise today because I had to babysit at the gym and I was there for the whole time. Molly came with me and we snuggled a lot because there were only ever 2 other kids there at a time.

Today reminded me that it isn't good for me to be gone Saturday mornings. Silas had everything under control but it just seems to mess with the day.

In the afternoon we went to St. George so Silas and I take turns doing initiatory in the temple. I love hearing those promises! Then we visited with Grandma Jane before heading to Costco for dinner and shopping. It was a long day, but at least we were able to go to the temple.

Nov 27-30

Sunday, November 27th-

Silas is so great! He was the only member of the Bishopric today but he seemed to handle it really well. Earlier in the week he was overwhelmed by the fact that he would be alone but Sunday came and he was ok. I love him! He is a good example to me and to the kids.

Monday, November 28th-

It is so great to have older kids. I mean, there are some things that are hard like how much good they eat, how much more it costs to cloth them and have them in activities and lessons, not to mention the pre-teen sassy-ness, but today I've thought about the great parts!

When Cleod walked home today I was napping. It has been super cold but we live so close to the school that it takes just as long or longer to drive to pick him up in the traffic. (Plus, he prefers to walk.) I didn't realize it was snowing. He got home and told me his hands were cold but didn't complain about having to walk. He took Molly downstairs with him so I slept a little longer (just super tired today) and then started working on his book report. What a good boy!

Then I asked him to grab my keys and start the van so I could go pick up the other kids from the elementary school. He tried to put my new slip-on shoes on but they didn't fit! They were too small! Haha. So he put his flip-flops on and ran out in the cold to turn on my van. It was nice and warm waiting for kiddos today thanks to Cleod!

Also, just the fact that I could leave Molly with him in the warm house while I left to get kids makes life so much easier!

Today at lunch Silas and I were chatting about life insurance because we just got approved for an increase through his work (which is a big deal because of Silas's health issues). As we chatted I mentioned that if something happened to me, it would be more manageable for him to deal with the kids because Cleod and Ryan are old enough to be helpful with the younger kids. It's not really something we like to talk about or even think about, but having older kids makes thinking of those things a little different.

Tuesday, November 29th-

Some days I want to go back to my 25 year old self and say, “Enjoy this moment!” Other moms with bigger kids said it to me a few times back then but I thought I was so stressed and busy with 3 little boys and a husband in school and working full-time. And it was stressful and there was a lot going on...but I do wish I had enjoyed it more.

The stress and busy we have now doesn't really compare. There is more to do with less time. There are more activities and more homework. There is more laundry and more dishes and more groceries. But there are also less diapers and crying. There is *usually* more hands to help out. Haha.

I feel like I am always catching up. And that's ok because that's just how it is going to work right now...but some times it's super hard. Silas tries to be helpful but he is busy with work and his calling.

Now that I think of it, I probably will think when I am 40 that I wish that I had enjoyed this time more fully. As the kids start leaving home, I will wish for the days that they were all home with me. I will miss the fingerprints and garage full of bikes and scooters.

So...self: "Enjoy this moment!"

Wednesday, November 30th-

Today the kids had their 6 month check-up at the dentist. It went really well. Molly was amazing during her x-rays but was a little sassy while she was getting her teeth cleaned. Cora was really funny. When she went over to get her x-rays, she picked up the vest thing and put it on herself. The dental assistant said something I couldn't hear and then Cora replied: "I've been here a thousand times!"

X-Ray time!

We only had one real cavity- in poor Granty. Ryan has a little one but it's in a tooth that is going to come out soon. Cleod needs a couple of teeth pulled because the new ones are coming in and they aren't loose at all. This is normal for him. Most of his teeth have had to be pulled by the dentist for the same reason. So Grant and Cleod will be back in 2 weeks to take care of those things. Not too bad considering I had all five kids checked!

Dentist!!!

Being silly at DQ

Mom enjoying her treat with the crazies

Cute Molly

Piled on Mom to watch football

We went out for ice cream afterward and then did our normal piano, scouts and now MUTUAL for Cleod. Weird. It was nice not to have to do papers today, although we did kind of miss it.

While Cleod was at mutual the rest of us watched football and Studio C. Good night!

Nov 21-23

Monday, November 21st-

Woke up to Cleod in my bed this morning.
THAT hasn't happened for years!

Molly and Cora often end up on one or the other's bed in the morning.
They were chatting on Cora's bed today.

Molly update: Poor Molly seems to be getting better every day but only a tiny bit. She is still tired most of the day and has been complaining about her legs hurting. When we pick her up she often says it hurts her bum or her arms. Her eyes are still sad and droopy and sometimes red.

Relaxing time with Molly

Grant and Cora ended up bringing the same
books home from school today!

Tonight Grant taught a great lesson during Home evening. We have been doing lessons out of a little lesson book so he read the small chapter about “Fishers of Men” which included the story of Christ asking the disciples to come with him. The lesson also taught that we can be missionaries and share the gospel. He retold the lesson really well and asked questions. It was cute and encouraging. It was one of those moments when you feel like what you are doing is working.

Cleod's digeridoo

Tuesday, November 22nd-

Today Molly and I met my friend Jade for lunch and while we were chatting Jade mentioned that maybe Molly was getting over Mono. I had thought maybe she had Mono in October when she had the first low white blood cell count but had dismissed that thought pretty quickly. Now I'm wondering if it really was something like that because it is taking her SSOOO long to get back to normal.

I think she was trying to take
a photo of her owl shirt

She ate really well today but still just wanted to lie down. She hasn't buckled her own seat for weeks and we tried to get her to yesterday but it takes forever because she has no strength. It is really sad. But I am seeing improvement so I'm not worried. Also, Silas and Jim gave her a blessing the night we went to the ER and it said she would be fine so I am not worried. I just feel sad that she is still weak.

Wednesday, November 23rd-

No school today! Yea for Thanksgiving Break! I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED not having to wake the kids up and do the whole morning routine. We did have a make-up piano lesson and orthodontist appointments but we took our time getting ready and that was nice. I stress out a lot about TIME. I hate being late and I want the kids to be quick...which they are not most of the time. So days when time isn't as huge factor go by so much more smoothly for me.

Wednesday is Silas's church night and he did have a couple of tithing settlements to do tonight but he was home really early in the evening which is RARE so it was nice to have some extra time with him this week.

Nov 24-26

Thursday, November 24th-

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today wasn't very Thanksgiving-ish at our house but I personally really enjoyed that. Since we had Thanksgiving dinner on Saturday, we decided to just do snacks and relax.

About halfway through the day, Silas got a little sad that we weren't with family or at least with the Warbys, but overall we just enjoyed being home. I did a few dishes but didn't let myself do any other housework and that was so nice. Ryan and I watched 3 football games (just parts of one) throughout the day which we enjoyed. :) We listened to music and Silas played with the kids. We printed out some paper crafts for the boys which they worked on a lot of the day too.

I have wanted to post a few random things the kids have done and thought today would be good. Molly is learning to write different letters and loves that MOM has the same letters as some in MOLLY. It's pretty cute. Grant and Ryan were writing cute notes to and about each other a few weeks ago at church. I am grateful for my cute kids!

"Mom" monster? by Molly

By Grant

By Grant

Friday, November 25th-

Another lazy day! I let the kids watch too many movies and play too much computer. I didn't make them do their chores, except they did help me clean the main level before we got the Christmas tree put up. We only did about half the decorations but it is looking like Christmas at our house!

Oh and this morning I ran 6 miles. It wasn't as fast as the race but I was happy I did it. I had talked myself out of it but during the run I decided to go up an extra street and it made the rest of the route equal to 6 miles by the time I was home. I was way more sore today than I expected, but didn't get a headache so I was happy with that.

Saturday, November 26th-

What a wonderful day! Silas and I took Cleod to St. George to do baptisms for the dead for the first time. It was so great! Just like during his ordination, I felt comfortable even though this was new thing. He seemed to really like it too but has only really commented on how warm the water was in the font. Haha. Grandma Jane was working on the baptistry at the time so we were able to chat with her a little and then she came in and sat with us while we did confirmations.

Natalie watched the other kids and they had a great time playing games and making cookies. She even made a menu for them to pick out their lunches. She is a blessing!

Nov 19 & 20

Saturday, November 19th-

Big day!

Edited by ??

Today was Grant's baptism day! The services were so wonderful and so many people came to support him.

Denita and Jeff came in town late last night with their kids, Mom and Dad came from Vegas with Darin (who had been in Vegas for work) this morning and Nicolle came down last night as well. Becky and Christine both came to the baptism with their kids as well as Jodi, Paislee, Brenda and Jay, Mark and Jeri, Deruchette and her 3 littles (Brett and the big girls are at Disneyland), Steven, Katie and their boys, Amber, Frank Heiser, and from Primary: Jim (and Addy) Emma, Chris Johnson, Ellen Sorenson and Elaine Croft. The Huffs had a bunch of family and friends too so we had a packed house!

Baptism

Tamina and Molly at lunch

Men that were in the circle during the confirmation: Silas, Jim, Scott, Grandpa Rowley, Mark, Steven, Jeff, Frank, & Jon.

Both talks (by Sis. Sorenson and Sis. Croft) were great and powerful and just watching the Priesthood in action was beautiful. Grant & Topher's siblings sang “When I am Baptized” which was super cute.

Afterward we had a little lunch at the church. The kids ran wild in gym most of the time but at least they had fun with their cousins.


In the evening we went back to the church (we had it reserved) and had Thanksgiving dinner. We had decided that since those of our family that were near would be coming this weekend so we might as well enjoy Thanksgiving together too. It was a bit stressful but so worth it. Honestly, Grandma Rowley did most of the work. We had divided food out so no one had to cook too much, which was nice. Deruchette and her 3 littles came and we all had a good evening together. The kids played hangman on the chalkboard for a lot of the time.

Prepping for Thanksgiving Dinner

"Patiently" waiting for dinner

Sunday, November 20th-

Cleod is 12. He was ordained a Deacon in the Aaronic Priesthood today. It was a little surreal but he was ready and it felt good. He is an amazing boy and I'm so proud of the young man he is becoming.

Today (last night really) I was reminded of how I need to make birthdays more special for my kids. Originally I was supposed to wake up Grandma today and play the piano at choir practice. I didn't think it was a big deal but as I was talking to Denita and Deruchette about it I realized I should be home with him. So Deruchette said she would wake up Grandma and I let Mary Saylor know I wouldn't be able to make choir. I made breakfast for everyone as requested by Cleod: eggs, toast, sausage and bacon. We opened presents before church during a 10 minutes break Silas had from church meetings to come home and say hi.

Presents

Looking at Grandpa and Grandma's card

More presents

There is a note written on the bottom saying "new scriptures"

Church was good and Molly did have a meltdown at one point but I got her figured out quickly and back to nursery. Cleod came into Primary for long enough to get his Faith in God award and his certificate of advancement from the Primary and then he was off to Priesthood. Weird.

Silas ordained Cleod after church which again was surreal but so good. Cleod was so happy and in the evening when it was just he and I, he thanked me for everything we did during the day and was really just grateful. It was adorable and made me a happy mom.

Birthday festivities

Birthday boy and his cake!