Dec 13-14

Tuesday, December 13th-

Today was a good day for me. Silas was dragging a little bit, poor guy. The holiday season has been crazy for him with church stuff. It has definitely contributed to my bad attitude lately too.

Having fun at Relief Society!

Anyway, today was better. Cleod and Grant stayed home from school because of sore throats. I totally could have sent them to school anyway, but I want my kids to know that their home is a safe place and that they are welcome and wanted here. It was nice to have them home. I made sure they read some but mostly let them watch movies and whatever. Sometimes we just need lazy days!

Tonight was the Relief Society Christmas Party and it was really fun. Silas ended up having to come to the church for some Bishop stuff and Cleod was helping with Gavin Puckett’s eagle project so the evening was a little bit crazy but good.

I'm grateful for good friends in our ward. Tonight I chatted with Emma and Megan in the kitchen and I just feel really grateful for them. Amber is usually my buddy at RS (and in general) and she wasn't able to come so that was weird. But it made me feel grateful for her too. Melissa came and she's always a hoot.

Wednesday, December 14th-

I had a lot of ah-ha moments today. I feel lighter and not so down-in-the-dumps as I have been feeling so I think I have a better opportunity to see things more clearly.

So here are a few of them:

*It is OK for me to not be the same person I used to be. I have been so focused on the fact that I can't do as much as I used to, mostly in my service in the church and to those around me but also in the amount of tasks I can check off daily. I have felt overwhelmed with visiting teaching and the pressure of serving others during the holidays and it has made it harder for me to serve my own family. I realized that my husband and my children need me THE MOST and I don’t have any energy for them some days. I need to focus my efforts on what I CAN do and not worry that it isn’t the same as it used to be. For example, up until about a year ago I would clean all the bathrooms (FOUR!) once a week. Now I am lucky to do it once a month. Gross! Well, I do have the kids wipe the toilets down with Lysol wipes regularly but they still need a good cleaning. I have felt like I should be able to do the same things I used to do and when I don't it causes me to feel overwhelmed. Today I finally really realized that I can't do everything I did a couple years ago and I can't always be the help-everyone-in-the-world person I felt like I could be. And it’s OK. I have 5 kids, they are bigger and busier. My husband has a busy calling and can’t always help pick up the slack for me around the house like I would like and that’s OK too. He is working hard for us and for the Lord and that is GOOD ENOUGH.

*The pressure of the holidays is real. I have, for many years, felt horrible during this time of year. I have felt like I am failing to give enough to those in my ward or my community. I have felt the pressure to go over and beyond my capabilities. We see so much good during this time of year, which is wonderful, but this is the big thing I have noticed. We (Silas, the kids and I) serve on a regular basis. I was so excited to do the 25 days of Christmas thing but when we haven’t had time one day to do it, I felt like a failure. But I started to see that we do the things on the calendar as part of our normal lives. For example, one day it was suggested to visit someone who is sick. We help Grandma Warby at least 3 times a week. One day was take a treat to a neighbor...Cleod does that regularly. One day suggested praying for someone who is sick and although we could teach the kids more specifically, Silas and I try hard to remember members of our family and ward that need extra help and we often remind the kids before family prayer of who they could add to the prayer when it's their turn. Silas and I fast for people and counsel about families in the ward. This is part of our life ALL YEAR long. We are trying to be like Christ all year. It is wonderful to be helpful during December, but I want to Light the World ALL YEAR! So I am going to keep the "Light the World" calendar and we are going to use to for ideas for Home Evening or Sunday activities throughout the coming year.

*I AM ENOUGH. I am enough for God’s grace and I can give myself grace. Grace is love and mercy when we don’t deserve it. I might have moments (or days) when I am not the person I should be. Maybe I'm a grumpy or mean mom and I feel like I'm not worth loving. But I am. And I can keep trying. I don't have to feel like a failure and I also know that the Lord is RIGHT THERE for me. That is one thing I haven't felt. I have felt blocked from the Spirit and the love of the Lord during the last few weeks but I know it is there, I just need to see it. It just doesn't always show up in the way I expect...or the way I THINK I need.

Anyway, these concepts are a big deal for me right now and I am grateful for the flood of understanding I received today as I talked to friends, as the thoughts came to my mind and as I pondered on them.

Cleod

This afternoon we were getting ready to take Cleod and Grant to the dentist. Cleod had to have teeth pulled and Grant had a cavity. This was the conversation right before leaving.

Me: Grant, go brush your teeth. You’re going to go get your cavity filled in a minute

Grant: Yesss! (runs down to his bathroom)

I love that my kids love the dentist!

Cleod was supposed to have his top 2 canines pulled to make room for the new ones that are coming on outside, but the dentist ended up pulling another one that was really loose right next to one of the canines. Cleod was so calm and collected the whole time. When we got home he had a small moment of sadness but I gave him some meds and we had ice cream so that helped.

Oh and Cora pulled out her second tooth this morning! She pulled out the first one too. She's a trooper!

Grant's selfies while Cleod was getting his teeth pulled

My cute boys at the dentist